Right now, the biggest trend in celebrity, fashion, and entertainment is the comeback. From Paula Abdul to Ozzy Osbourne to the miniskirt, it seems that everyone and everything is getting a second chance. There are dozens of comeback-oriented TV shows like “Remaking,” “Rockstar: INXS,” “Return of the Average Joes,” “Hit Me Baby One More Time,” “TLC’s R U The Girl?”, and even “The Comeback.” Not to mention that “The Family Guy” was reinstated to FOX’s prime time line-up after 3 years off the air. Even bands like The Pixies, Boyz II Men, and Motley Crue are getting back together. Boyz II Men…um seriously, why?
And FYI, this comeback trend is not the same thing as the nostalgia craze, though the two are related. Here are some examples to clear things up. Nostalgia is “Starsky and Hutch” and “The Dukes of Hazzard” movies. Comeback is a “Road House” sequel and “The Cutting Edge 2” (no, I’m totally serious). Nostalgia is 20-year-olds wearing Strawberry Shortcake tees at Hot Topic. Comeback is 5-year-olds buying Strawberry Shortcake dolls at Toys R Us. Nostalgia is “I Love the 80s.” Comeback is “Remaking: Taylor Dayne.” Got it? Good. Now for the juicy stuff.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Whenever I notice a new trend, I can’t help but wonder, “How will this help people get laid?” This time the answer is obvious – exes. Whatever term you prefer (rekindling, blue binning, or Grover Cleveland), exes are floating to the top of everyone’s dating pool.
“How’d you two rekindle?” is the new “How did you two meet?” And not for no reason – ex sex doesn’t raise your “number,” exes already know what turns you on, and the time delay factor makes you forget about all of his/her bad qualities…at least for a little while. And luckily, you don’t need to be an official ex to make a comeback. Even a one-night-stand leaves room for rekindling. As long as there was a period of non-canoodling, there is a chance successful reunion. But how?
The internet is making it much harder for the one who got away to make a clean getaway. With sites like friendster, myspace, zabasearch, classmates, and hundreds of copycats, finding an old flame easier than ever. Just type you’re former/soon-to-be sweetie’s name and in seconds there will be photos, hobbies, and favorites at your fingertips. If you’d rather talk than type, call a mutual friend to get the ex’s current digits (and status – it’s no good trying to rekindle with married folk).
Once you know where your target lives and have peered through her bedroom window– I mean, determined that she is single and hasn’t gained like 200 pounds, it’s time for “the gesture.” Let the romantic comedy be your ultimate source of inspiration; boy loses girl, then he makes his cute, personal, and original comeback, and then boy gets girl again. But before you buy those airplane tickets or climb up that balcony, you might want to call first. Start small. Make sure you’ve at least got a shot before you spend your weekend editing together a starry-eyed slideshow.
After you’ve determined that she remembers you and doesn’t still have your face on a dartboard, remind her why she liked you in the first place. Prove that you remember details by buying her favorite food, flowers, or tickets to see a band she likes. Another smooth move is to send her an old photo of you 2 with a cutesy message: “Just in case my head’s been cut out of your copy.” Or how about a CD with a song that meant something to you two? (Though I strongly suggest adhering to the “No Boyz II Men” rule.)
What about those qualities of yours she didn’t so much? Minimize, minimize, minimize. Make sure to mention how much you’ve come to value punctuality, how you finally got around to using that gym membership, and how you decided not to renew your “Barely Legal” subscription this year. But most importantly, make sure she knows how much you missed her. This is not the time to play it cool. Be humble, be open, and be sincere.
So grab your yearbook/laptop/phonebook and get going while the zeitgeist is in your favor. By next week, rebuffing may be enjoying a new vogue. What? You don’t know! The point is you must act now, now, NOW!
The best is yet to come…back.
Future Predictions in the trend:
A VH1 special: “The 100 Greatest Celebrity Comebacks.”
Celebs who haven’t been dissed on Letterman or featured in Star will be thought of as too perfect and inaccessible. Publicists will purposely stage a fall from grace just so they can start planning a comeback. (I can only hope this is Tom Cruise’s strategy).
A slew of comeback attempts from faded stars like Luke Perry, Haley Joel Osment, Winona Ryder, and Fiona Apple.
“Best Comeback” category at this year’s MTV movie/music awards.
Celeb couples rekindling. Jude and Sienna are in the middle of a maybe reunion. Next up? Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal, Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid, or John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn.
Late night dating show where the contestant has to choose between 3 exes. Or where an ex tries to steal the contestant away from his/her current mate (ala "Change of Heart"). Um, hello KCAL? I'm so there.
You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.
The comeback trend can even be found on the blogosphere. Like, say there’s a super-cool blog that you read religiously, but then it goes mysteriously untouched for a few months. You’re all bummed….until it comes back with a completely stellar post that makes you appreciate it way more. That would be, like, really awesome, and you’d totally be hooked again, right? Uh…right?
1 comment:
I am completely hooked again.
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