Comeback of the Month: Joey Lauren Adams

Joey Lauren Adams - comeback on down! In 1997 it looked like she was going to be the next big thing or at least the next Parker Posey. Instead her path led her straight to video...but not for long! I say if Jason Bateman can do it, so can Joey Lauren Adams! But she needs to change a few things first. What, did she think looks and talent would be enough?

Unless she's reading for the part of Bridget Jones's sister, she needs to dye her hair red, grow a mole, or differentiate herself from Renee Zellweger somehow. Squinty eyes, big lips, little voice - the public is confused. In fact, there are 1300 search results on Google for "Renee Zellweger"+"Chasing Amy." Forget about making a comeback, JLA still needs to collect credit for her past roles! Adams's IMDB profile even erroneously claimed that Zellweger was her sister for awhile.

And while we're on IMDB, JLA needs to upload a new photo ASAP. The current one is awful. I mean it's no Nick Nolte mug shot (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/nolte1.html), but it's not doing her any favors either. And there are tons of better photos just one click away in the "More Pictures" link. Please pick one...now.

Once she has de-Reneed, JLA needs to seek out a role that uses her too-tiny voice to her advantage. I'm thinking a "Nip/Tuck" about a woman who wants a voicebox transplant? Cha-ching. Hello? People like it when you make fun of yourself.

Joey Lauren Adams might be tempted to drop the middle name for her second run at indie fame, but I wouldn't recommend it. I don't really see how it's helped Tiffani not-Amber-anymore Thiessen. And Sara Michelle Geller's doing just fine, thanks. The last thing Joey Lauren Adams needs is another John Cougar/Cougar Mellencamp/Mellencamp debacle on her hands. Plus the "JLA" shorthand could not be more US Weekly-ready. But initials alone won't get the paparazzi's attention. Joey needs to go tabloid by association. Make out with Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend, throw a punch at Tara Reid, eff a Hilton sister - something!

And lastly, Joey needs to get some new devotees. This has to be the worst fan site I've ever seen:
http://smart90.com/joeyadams
How does she expect to get stalked to stardom with fans this lame? And what self-respecting JLA junkie could allow this horrible 8x10 eBay auction to remain on the net?
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=32988&item=3849272881&rd=1
Please somebody "Buy it Now" before a casting director sees it.

What? I said she was ready for a comeback, but I never said it would be easy. So anyway...congratulations to Joey Lauren Adams for earning the title of November Comeback of the Month!