Gettin' Presidential

In 9th grade, Ben Ostroff (class slacker) asked Mr. Nalence (American Studies teacher) why we had to learn about "some stupid old dead people with wooden teeth and bad wigs." After a few excrutiatingly silent minutes, Mr. Nalence finally stuttered out, "Because history is cool." It wasn't the wittiest response, but what could he really say to a kid who would never be on Jeopardy, wasn't worried about cocktail parties, and couldn't care less about getting the yellow wedge? Of course, that didn't stop the entire class from laughing at him - including me. Which is why now, 10 years later, I think I owe Mr. Nalence an apology. It turns out that he was right: history is cool...at least it can be if applied to dating (always my favorite subject). I've discovered that the US presidents provide a handy, fun, and (here it comes) cool way to code name all of your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends.

For example:

George Washington: Your first ex. That whole cherry tree bit is just too perfect.

FDR: Your longest relationship.

William Henry Harrison: Your shortest relationship. (And yes, one-night stands count!)

LBJ: The rebound ex.

Grover Cleveland: The ex you dated, broke up with, and then dated again.

John Adams and John Quincy Adams: The father/son exes. What? Oh, okay - so maybe that's just me. Um...nevermind. Moving on.

Chester A. Arthur: The ex you always forget about.

Ben Franklin: The one who isn't an ex, but feels like he should be. I mean seriously, the man's face is on $100 bills - how was he not a president?

George W. Bush: The "What the eff was I thinking?" ex.

And that's just the beginning! Depending on your knowledge of American history (and your number of exes), this list can get way longer. Kinda makes me wish I'd paid more attention to Mr. Nalence. Okay maybe not, but it does kinda make me want to try out my new favorite pick-up line --

"So, you wanna get presidential?"